They say you can’t truly love someone else until you learn to love yourself.
And boy, is this ever true.
There are so many things in our lives that cause us to have a hard time loving ourselves:
The words we speak over ourselves.
The words others speak to and about us.
Media.
The comparison game.
Our image.
Our struggles.
A lack of using our passions and gifts.
Not living up to our full potential.
Being hard on ourselves.
The Devil.
We are often our own worst critics, aren’t we?
We say things to ourselves we would never say to anyone else.
“Wow, you’re stupid.” “You’re so ugly.” “You’re fat.” “You know better.” “You’re such a failure.”
The words we choose to speak over ourselves eventually start to have an affect on the way we view ourselves, and what we believe about our identity.
The words others speak to and about us also have an affect on the way we see ourselves.
If we don’t filter the words of others, we can get caught in a trap where we either thrive or drown based on what others say.
The media is something else that plays a huge part in the way we view ourselves.
When it comes to body image, if someone on social media wears a size 0, and we barely fit into a size 6, it is easy to begin to think we’re not thin enough, and in turn, not good enough.
At the same time, we see the lives others portray on Instagram, happy and perfect, and think our life should look a lot different than it does.
We can also be hard on ourselves when it comes to the things we struggle with.
Depression, anxiety, addiction, insecurity, fear, etc.
Sometimes instead of working through our struggles we sit in frustration thinking “why am I even struggling with this in the first place? I shouldn’t be.”
It can prolong the healing process and put undo pressure on us.
On the contrary, we can also begin to believe that our struggle is what defines us, and in turn have a hard time seeing ourselves in any other light.
The Devil is definitely someone who wants us to fail to love ourselves, as well as others.
He is referred to as the “father of lies” and spits out lies like it’s nobody’s business.
He will tell us lies about ourselves to keep us from truly seeing ourselves the way Jesus does, which will in turn keep us held captive in bondage.
All of these things, and so many more, keep us from seeing ourselves the way Jesus does, and in turn, cause us to fail to really love ourselves.
One of the most important things we can ever learn as a human being, is that our identity does not lie in the way we see ourselves, the way others see us, our struggles, our failures, or even our successes. Our identity lies in the way Jesus sees us. He and He alone can define us and say what our identity is.
When we begin to see ourselves the way Jesus sees us, we find freedom.
Jesus says we are good enough. Right now. Without striving or becoming who we “should” be.
Jesus says we have so much value and worth.
Jesus says we are beautiful, that our size doesn’t determine our beauty, worth, or value, and that what is on the inside is much more valuable than that on the outside.
He says we are loved, and I mean deeply, unconditionally loved.
He says His grace is sufficient for us, meaning we can’t do anything that would ever be too much for Him to forgive, love, or accept us.
He says we are his beloved, His child, His bride.
He says we are not our mistakes, or our failures.
He says success in His eyes is not measured by the same thing that the human race usually measures success by.
He says we are allowed to struggle and be imperfect, and that these are not the things we are defined by.
When we learn to not only see but also talk to ourselves the same way Jesus does, we can begin to love ourselves just the way we are.
This not only affects us and our own lives, but also the lives of those around us.
Not always, but often, when we fail to love ourselves and to be content with our own lives, we put pressure on others to make up the difference.
When there is a sense of dissatisfaction, emptiness, loneliness, and unhappiness, we begin to put expectations on others to fill the voids, to make up for the love we fail to have for ourselves, rather than realizing it is our job to love ourselves and be content on our own first.
Relationships become about what others can do for us, and the way they can make us feel rather than how we can best love and serve them.
For the longest time, I didn’t like the person I was.
I allowed myself to think I was defined by the things others said about me, the things I said about myself, my mistakes, struggles, failures, and lacks.
I saw myself as fragile, a failure, not good enough, not having anything to give to others, and I was really, really hard on myself.
All of these things caused me to fail to love the people in my life the way I wanted to be able to love them, and the way I knew they deserved to be loved, because I expected them to make up for what I wasn’t doing, which was love myself. But it doesn’t start with others, it starts with us. It starts with you.
When we fail to love ourselves, we also fail to love others well.
“You can’t truly love someone else until you learn to love yourself.”
This quote is something I have heard before, but never really paid attention to.
I was recently thinking about it and realized how true it is.
When we don’t love ourselves, there is this sense of lack. Emptiness. A void, like something is missing.
When we do, we find that we feel whole, complete, content, satisfied. Like the foundation is solid and firm, and something beautiful can be built on it.
We don’t get into relationships because we need something, but rather because we want to love the other person.
Let’s learn to love ourselves,
only then can we learn to love others well,
only then can we truly carry out the mission of Christ to the world.